Georgetownrose

from glory to glory…

Archive for the category “New “Firsts””

Suppressed Memories, Buried Joy…

Springtime is flowering all around me, and I am struggling to feel the joy and the comfort and the jubilant excitement of the season springing into life from the warmer breezes, the dazzling pinks and yellows and white blossoms and all the new baby leaflings against the brilliant blue skies, until…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 The scent of a bed of hyacinths in full bloom unlocks memories and tears away the web that has shrouded my soul in a poisonous coma far too long…And jubilant sounds of birdsong…

Rejection, abandonment; still stinging after all these years, like a vicious spider’s effort to keep her prey from escaping her grasp…this permeates my life like a sickening, deadly venom…

Even though I know that God has used the childhood wounds in His sovereign grace to bring me into His acceptance by the embrace of the Lord Jesus Christ—who is more to be desired than even a happy family life…

Unfathomable to my reasoning mind is that after years of counseling, I discover that the wounds of childhood rejection have burrowed so deeply into my soul that I cannot even remember how the lovely things God put into my life made me feel…even to this day, I am numb to how the beauties and blessings make me feel…I can neither put words to the pleasure, nor can I feel it fully, embracing it, allowing it to wrap me in the touches of the moments of comfort…

Like a recurring bad dream, I feel the loss more vividly in every unfulfilled hope of friendship near at hand—every joy which is followed by changing circumstances over which I have no control—instead of rejoicing in the moment and the season of the joys of that friendship while it is near at hand, and blessing the friends as God sends them on their appointed paths apart from me…

The loss is what takes hold of my soul…and I have turned a lock on my heart that is barring the way to enjoying new moments, new seasons of friendship with those God has moved into my reach and touch…Instead, I anticipate the ever-looming hand of change which promises to move these ones I would grasp as friends far away from my reach and the presence of their touches of kindness and endearment…

 Something deep in my soul cries out to me that this is sin. I know that God commands (even promises by the giving of His Spirit to my life) that I will not covet another’s joy or pleasure or blessing; nor will I make an idol of joy or pleasure or blessing…But to suppress recognition and embrace of God’s gifts of joy and moments of pleasure and blessing because of fear of loss of them, or by choosing to feel the pain of old wounds: that is sin, also—grievous sin… It is a root of bitterness—not unforgiveness, but simply a self-imposed famine bringing with it needless suffering…for myself and for those who want to be my friend and to share their blessings with me for as long as God would have them in my life…

 The 23rd Psalm says: “…Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…” (vs.6)…

 The same God who rescued me from my self at this season 35 years ago, is the same God who has been watching over my life with all its pain and all its pleasures to bring me safely into the rapturously loving grip of the Lord Jesus, My Shepherd…The same God who is sovereign and supreme and holy and majestic and far above all that I am or can conceive, is the same Great Shepherd who employs His hounds of love to follow me with goodness and mercy… And I have been acknowledging them with scarcely more than an obligatory word of thanks…I have insulated my feelings from their kisses, their warmth, their attentiveness, their sympathies, their sensitivities to my weaknesses and needs; their unconditional affectionate gestures…and God calls to me as He cried out to Adam in the garden: “where are you?” (Genesis 3.9; emphasis, mine).

He knows where I am…it is to this place He has tracked me, this Springtime when I caught the scent of hyacinths and heard the jubilant birdsong in my “coma”…And, this gorgeous Springtime day, with the wind of His cleansing blowing all about me, I step out into His gaze and surrender… “I have heard You, but now my eye sees You; therefore, I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes…” (Job 42.5-6).

Father, I need Your healing Hand upon me…Rescue me again from my SELF…

Abba Father, Lay Your Hands on Me

Spring has come again…

…behold, all things have become new


To all my friends who read my stuff, I pray that this piece is not a total “bummer” for you; I know that others struggle with wounds that seem to escape a full healing… These are my confessions of the joys and pleasures I have habitually buried as if in some irrational way, I have been expecting some other time to be a more appropriate time to enjoy them…losing out on the moments and ultimately the memories… Maybe you have experienced some of the same things; maybe you know someone dear to you who is locked inside a prison web of their own spinning… I pray this encourages you in some way… Many blessings from my restored soul and healing heart to yours…

Another Page in My LIFE…

themasterteacher

image: Broderbund PrintShop 10, by permission

This picture speaks to me… Nothing is better to me than the sheer delight of quietly sitting at the feet of the Lord Jesus and learning what it means to be His disciple–to follow hard after Him–seeing life through His eyes, glimpsing what He wants to do with me, knowing I am His forever…

I belong to a knitting and crocheting ministry in my church, and we meet one Friday each month to pray and fellowship while we knit and crochet for others. Our recent topic for conversation included the tedium and exhausting work of unloading years of accumulated possessions in our advanced years… I am no stranger to this constant management of things, things and more things… Our conversation provoked me to think about the things that really matter to me, things I have accumulated and are in danger of being cast away like so much detritus after I die… things of which I have not been a wise steward…

Years ago, I knew I could not keep silent about what I had been discovering in the Scriptures on the subject of what it means to become one who is awakened to know the God revealed in nature, and magnified in the Scriptures. Discipling the Messianic Believer is a journal of sorts… I published a written edition of it in 1994 and issued a new edition in 2003 in print form. It has been distributed to interested ministry leaders in various countries, translated into other languages… But I don’t want the few printed copies I have sitting in my file cabinet to sit there till after I die, only to be thrown into the recycle bin as one more of those inconvenient collections of an old lady… So, I’m following the suggestion of my former mentor under whose direction I compiled the material in this manual: I am making it available on the internet…

Don’t be intimidated by the title; if you are a believer in the Lord Jesus, you will enjoy the studies in this volume. I wrote it with an Hebraic perspective in order to help non-Jewish believers in Jesus understand some of the roots of the Gospel in the Older Covenant Scriptures. This will assist them in their dialogs with Jewish friends. I also wrote it with this Hebraic perspective in order to encourage new Jewish believers that they are not less Jewish; in fact, they are  “completed Jews.” I have provided a glossary with the meanings of all the Hebraic/Yiddish terms I have used in the study guides. It addresses what I know is essential to living and walking with Messiah in this wilderness… the process… and it is more than a primer…while it is friendly to those who are beginning, it is provocative to those who are continuing…

By God’s grace I have enjoyed the nourishment and encouragement from these things for 20 years and counting… accumulating more LIFE through what I find on the pages of Scripture in these studies…  I continue to be challenged and provoked as I re-visit these studies, proving that they are never old and always relevant to every season of my life…

In its original form, I published a full unit on the Biblical Feasts which made this volume a whopping 600+ pages. As time passed, God led me to re-publish this work without that unit. The result is 18 lessons for LIFE. I thought it was significant that the Hebrew number 18 – “chai” represents life… Just a thought…

Anyway, I have added a new page to my WordPress site, devoted solely to Discipling the Messianic Believer: An Invitation for LIFE. When you visit this page, you will find links to each portion of the study manual. You may print them out and use them for your personal study.  I am not greedy for myself… I might be greedy for readers who can be nourished and transformed by what God did to me when I started studying and writing this volume…  I am definitely greedy that God would receive more glory and honor out of what He is generously pouring into my life through Messiah Jesus…

The Real Neat Blog Award – What Fun!

real-neat-blogI was nominated for the Real Neat Blog Award by https://kbailey373.wordpress.com/author/kbailey373/. What a surprise and an honor! Thank you so much, kbailey!

Part of this nomination includes answering some questions and nominating others.  Although it’s voluntary, I like the idea, because it encourages me to follow up with my comments and my “likes” of other bloggers with another form of appreciation. But if you are nominated, any part of acceptance or participation is up to your inclination–no obligation of any kind…

Your mission, should you accept the Real Neat Blog Award, is as follows:

1. Put the award logo on your blog. You can do this by saving the image in this post to a folder on your computer. Then open your WordPress site; click on “new post.” Once you are in the draft window, click on “Add Media” and copy the image in your computer folder into the loading zone area on your WordPress media window; note the URL address in the attachment information window and copy it; go ahead and insert the image into your post; it will show up in your draft, but also be retained in your media files. Now go back to your main site administration and choose “customize;” choose “widgets;” choose “image;” when the little window opens, paste the URL from your media file into the window asking for the URL; name it, if you want to, and click “save.” It will then show up on the panel on your main page along with the other things you have added for your site…

2. Answer 7 questions asked by the person who nominated you.

3. Thank the people who nominated you, linking to their blogs.

4. Nominate any number of bloggers you like, linking to their blogs.

5. Let them know you nominated them (by commenting on their blog etc.)

6. Ask your nominee(s) 7 questions which you would like to know about them.

KBailey’s seven prompts for me to answer are:

1. What’s your favorite season and why? My favorite season of the year is Springtime. Since I live in the Northern Hemisphere, that season comes in March, April and May. I love the new life emerging out of the ground. I like watching the buds in the trees emerging from their blood-red embryonic state to that neo-natal green mist on all the branches. Between that, the clear blue sky or the soft mists of spring, and the pastels of all the early blossoms, the world becomes a Rococo painting reminding of me of the work of Jean-Honore Fragonard. Dazzling! In the Northern Hemisphere, Spring is also the season which coincides with the Biblical season of Passover and Firstfruits (Resurrection). It is the time of year which reminds me of my new birth in Messiah Jesus. Dazzling! Unforgettable!

2. What is the thing that helps you bear your depression or helps you move out of it (if you do suffer from depression) I have suffered more from anxiety–that heightened threshold where, for no reason I can name at any given time, my “fight or flight” response engages. Depression hits me in the backwash of battling the anxiety. Between the two, I can quickly lose my bearings and my ability to focus on anything. Slowing down and spending time in the Word of God and prayer are the two things that restore my bearings. I have particular verses which remind me of the Truth of God’s sovereign care in my life–the exquisite love of the Father, and the strength of the Lord Jesus when I am weak.

3. Who is your favorite person and why (don’t have to use a name). My favorite person: I guess the idea of this question is to name someone who shows me the most love with skin on it–the one who knows me and all my warts, who will always tell me the truth and who knows just how to do it, and who loves me even when I am not particularly loveable. Well, in all honesty, I have to say that the One who has pre-eminence in my life is Jesus. He is, after all, more real a Person than many persons I know. But if I have to name the human being who is not God, but who is the closest thing to being the expression of His love in my life, I would have to choose my husband. Forty-five years of faithful love for me is reason enough.

4. What is your least favorite thing to do? I don’t like shopping in overcrowded, noisy shopping malls. There are lots of blog thoughts to share about this, if I ever find the voice to express them…

5. Name 5 things that are on your desk right now? Well my desk is workstation for multi-tasking and is inseparably linked to my computer. There is room to write with pen and paper; but most of my productivity–if you can call it that–is generated out of this marvelous computer. Here are five things that have found a permanent home on my desk/workstation…

  • My Janome Memory Craft 11000 sewing machine which is connected to my computer; there are lots of blog thoughts to share about this item…

  • A little wooden thimble angel given to me by a sweet sisterchick who is now in Heaven (she qualifies as one of my most favorite people, and I miss her)–the message which the angel bears is pinned to her skirt:

    “For Friend: We’re both growing older but, that isn’t so bad, when I remember all the good times we’ve had. You’ve been there to listen and to help me grow. And that’s why, Friend, I love you so. I know God loves you as much as I do and that’s why He has this little Angel watching over you.”

  • My prayer journal;

  • A printout of Psalm 71 kept under a clear lucite panel; and

  • Photos of three precious children suffering in a difficult family situation, and a photo of my husband and me. These photos are loose and placed flat sharing the space under the lucite panel covering them and the printout of Psalm 71.

6. If you could go anywhere in the world and had the money to do it, where would you go? Probably New Zealand. I have family-in-Messiah there who run a backpacker’s camp at Dansey’s Pass Holiday Park, near Oamaru on the South Island of Otago. Add to that the previews of that landscape in the Chronicles of Narnia and the Tolkien movies, and I think I would be thrilled to be at the farthest ends of the earth for awhile, just to see what God is doing.

7. What do you like most about yourself?  If there is anything to like about myself, it is because God has granted that gift to me by His grace. I have finally rested in that, so that when I look in the mirror at this stage of my life, I can accept the truth that God is pleased with how He fashioned me; and so I have no right to be wishing to look like anybody else or to be wanting someone else’s talents, giftings or personality. With that awareness firmly fixed in my thinking on this question, I guess I would have to say that I like who I am becoming in Christ and my small, unique, dedicated place in the Body of Messiah and in the work of God in my life this side of Heaven. Let me add, as a footnote to this, that if my readers feel that this answer is not personal enough–not human enough–if it seems like borderline fakery to them, I have to tell you all that I must look at myself through God’s eyes and from this perspective. I have spent too many of my years being discontent with who I am–the creature that God has fashioned by His good pleasure–too busy have I been changing my hair color, trying to be the perfect weight, and all the other images and characteristics the popular culture holds in high esteem. I’m not blonde anymore; my haircolor is the blend of mithril and the forest leaves and rocks, so that no goblin would be able to pick me out of the landscape when viewed overhead. I’m not the perfect weight, although I am healthy and can definitely do the moves; I’m not “Barbie.” I’m a curvy Hobbit lady with Arwen’s heart and Frodo’s feet–a curious blend, to be sure; but God’s own design…and I am content with who I am becoming by His matchless grace.


There are several bloggers I find “Real Neat.” They are very busy bloggers, however–prolific, in fact. I feel somewhat timid about approaching them just now. So, I am going to wait a bit before I intrude on their schedules. For now, I nominate simplygiselle at http://simplygiselle.com/ for the Real Neat Blog Award. She’s busy, too. She really does have sass and class, and I like that. I’m hoping she will see this as another way I express my appreciation for her writing. So here are my questions for Giselle. I am going to include some of kbailey’s questions, too, because they were very thoughtful.

1. How do you feel about being recognized as a blogger? Does the social aspect of receiving a nomination for an award of sorts encourage you or does it annoy you in any way? Tell me about it…

2. Do you like music and/or color? If so, what musical styles and what shades of the color spectrum appeal to you and inspire your writing the most?

3. Do you like fragrance? If so, what scents appeal and awaken your senses to express your thoughts?

4. How does your particular landscape and area of the country speak to the priorities and values you place foremost in your life?

5. Name five things which sit on your desk/workstation at this moment. Have they found a permanent home there? Why are they there instead of somewhere else?

6. What do you like most about yourself?

7. What is your least favorite thing to do? [And I hope it’s not receiving the Real Neat Blog Award 😉 ]

My First Post on WordPress…

Okay. So here is a whole new medium opened up to my expression and sharing and receiving this side of Heaven. I’m only accustomed to my Facebook posts and my inner circle of friends. I’ve never gone “public” with anything but what I could not keep privately controlled…

But here it is: a gateway introduced to me through the pain and sorrow and triumphs and losses of a very special person who is sharing her journey in this medium. This is part of a legacy of her husband who knew how to use this gift for encouragement and for God’s glory to everyone who might run across his posts. His are enormous shoes to fill…

I’m not entertaining any delusions of adequacy about this venture… It’s not that I have nothing to share… Oh! There is so much! It’s the “how” of it all that eludes me… And so very much to learn from others here…

So, Lord, my Father, I give this to You, as every good gift and every perfect gift comes from You. You are sovereign over all things in Heaven and on earth for all time… and perhaps, as You, in Your perfect timing, have watched over my life to bring me to faith in Your Son, Messiah Jesus, have brought me to this place for such a time as this… Sharing this journey with You in the seasons of life this side of Heaven… Lord, that I might finish well…

friends on journey

Post Navigation